June 7, 2009
Circustance: Driving home from my niece wedding in NY, I had passed two other rest areas, because my daughter and my mom were dozing off in the car and I didn’t want to wake them if they didn’t have to use the facilities. I just finally HAD TO STOP and GO, if you know what I mean? Mom & I went to use it and heading in, we were both feeling a great sense of ‘relief’.
My impression: Don’t let the outside of that building fool you!
This one was hard to write about, since I couldn’t stop laughing as I left the ‘john’! First of all, I only had three choices of ‘free’ stalls and of course, I let my mom pick one first. I went to use the next one (pictured) and the sight of the TP dispenser in parts and leaning up against the bowl, AND the slight flood on the floor behind the bowl, stopped me in my tracks! NOPE! Not using this one… ok, last chance sally…Oh my GOD! It wasn’t even photography-worthy, but I had to use it! (remember, I passed two other rest areas, so I really had to USE IT!) I’ll describe it… Let’s just say, it had ‘tissue issues’. Scattered on the floor to the left of the bowl. And no, I don’t pick up other people’s ‘tissue paper’!) I decided to go anyway, staying away from the tissue. Let me say, here, that is really hard to do, because I have really nice slacks on, and they want to touch the floor and I’m trying to keep them hitched up by clenching my knees together. Now, I did have two handle bars along both sides, so I hesitantly used them to hold myself in the ‘hover’ position, knees clenched together, pants in high-water mode. I knew I would have ‘major duties’ to stick around for, so I figured I still had to ‘line to bowl”… and I wondered if it may be a problem, because I swear that the TP is only 2” wide!! …Okay, maybe 3”. Remember, I’m still holding the bars, ‘hovering’, knees pressed together. I realized this was a silly position and started to giggle. Now, it’s hard to pull myself up (forward) when most of my weight is ‘behind’ me (no pun intended) and my feet are spread outward, avoiding contacting the mess around me. I managed it, but then the automatic flusher went off, unexpectedly, and I hadn’t had time to use the tissues yet for the first half. After lining the bowl twice, because the seat is the regular width (and the paper isn’t), I almost feel I can relax. I quickly realize that my dress slacks are wanting to flow around my shoes again, and I proceed to hike them up once again. In doing that, I realize there is a huge puddle (a continuation from the stall pictured- notice it’s floor, on the right?) and it’s almost touching my left heel!
Oh no…. there are way too many issues here to pay attention to. The puddle, the seat covering, the pant legs, tissue invasion … so I scootch my feet forward away from the puddle…. And then, my mom (who was waiting outside by now) pokes her head into the bathroom and asks if I have my Sudoku book (family joke-- when you spend too long in the john). “NO!” I said indignantly. “Are you alright?” “YES!... “ Then I start giggling even more. And all the while, I’m listening to a faucet running in one of the sinks… and NO ONE IS EVEN OUT THERE! I still can’t relax, but I finally get to a point where I can hoist myself up (I sound like I’m a tank, don’t I?) using the handle bars. Before using ‘the tissue’ and the toilet auto-flushing (AGAIN), I start to wonder how I’m gonna get the flusher to do it once again, once I’m finally finished with ‘the paperwork’. I’m waving my hand in front of all kinds of ‘eyes’, mysterious holes (are they laser beams?), and such, but, to no avail. I finally figure out, the ‘hole’ I thought was a laser beam, was a black button! To FLUSH!! DUH! As I get ready to open the door, I realize that from the side of the bathroom that had tissue issues, I now have a piece of tissue stuck to the underside of my shoe! Hysterically giggling by now, with my poor mom outside the stall wondering what the heck is going on., I lift my foot to take a final photo. Can I ever get out of this JOHN??? 
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